A Feelings-y Fall Post

Happy first day of fall!

Like just about every other 30-something female in the western hemisphere, this is my favorite season! And no, it’s not because of the return of PSLs and college football (although, I do get pretty pumped up about hockey season!). Something about this time of year is just good for my soul. Maybe it’s the promise of change or the temperate, overcast weather we’re experiencing today, but I’m feeling especially contemplative this morning.

Six months ago, I wrote my “What Will Be Your Spring” post. An atypically introspective post for the site (at the time), I charged readers to manifest what they wanted the new season to bring without wishing away the present. I remember thinking that the post might not translate how I wanted, but that’s part of writing — you just have to put it out there and hope it lands the way you intend. I recommend checking this post out because it’s a quick 3 minute read, and there’s some good stuff in it!

I wrote this post a few weeks before finding out there was trouble with my job. Before my world came crashing down (sounds dramatic, but that’s how it felt/feels). And now, somehow, I’ve been in this weird season for five months. Sometimes it feels like much less time, and sometimes it feels like years. But I think that’s natural when life deals you an unexpected turn. And maybe it’s not your job. Maybe it’s the death of a parent, the severing of a relationship, or something else that requires an extreme level of mental gymnastics. Maybe you’re so far in it, you can’t imagine making it through to the other side. I know that feeling. I’m beginning to see and feel tiny glimmers of hope. Light peeking in through the cracks. This year has not gone as planned, and while the lack of control has exasperated me at times, I’m trying to be at peace with it.

It’s been a kind of lonely half year. Previously, I could see well over a hundred people a day between my clients, their clients, a quick stop for lunch… Now, there are days when I only see my husband, the dogs, and sometimes my neighbor over the fence. And maybe I’ve done that intentionally or as an unspoken test to those around me. As someone who focused her energy outward, I’ve spent the better part of the last five months redirecting that focus inward and learning how to even do that in the first place. It’s been a journey.

I just revisited “What Will Be Your Spring” and although the season is different, everything in the original post is still relevant. Lately, I’ve caught myself wishing for this year to “just be over with already.” Some of my friends jokingly refer to 33 as the “Jesus year”, and I’m here to tell you it is for real. This year has damn near killed me. But in the words of the great Elton John, “I’m still standing.”

Three months from tomorrow I turn 34, which means I have about 90 days to turn it around. And after reading Natalie-before-the-storm’s post (and based on the tone, I gotta say — I think she knew something was coming), I’m feeling inspired and motivated to shed this skin in anticipation of what’s next.

This season will bring:

— a vacation I have dreamed about for what feels like forever

— a Kacey Musgraves/Maggie Rogers concert

— time with family

— Schitt’s Creek Live

— a new job (I am manifesting it!)

— the first birthday of my baby, NatalieSaidSo!

And so much more. These all sound like pretty good things to me! I’m feeling more optimistic already :)

Wherever you’re at, I hope you find the courage to dream big dreams for yourself this season. You deserve it.

All my love!